Last week, Ryan and I FINALLY had our wedding (COVID delayed this over a year and a half). And it was wonderful.
For me, the event turned a page, in many ways. It was a bright example of what really mattered, and how I can get to what really matters even in the midst of a chaotic event. As we all live through a series of chaotic events even without throwing a party for 100 people in New York City, I thought that 3 “intentions” or lessons I learned that day might be useful. Here goes:
1) When we got the first wedding pictures (just 8 of them), I thought I looked wretched in them. This could have spiraled into outspoken complaint and accusations hurled at the (very expensive) photographer. But I am older now, and I know better than that. So, I sat with it.
The new intention that has emerged: Focus less on MYSELF and more on OTHERS. In other words… get over myself more often.
9 out of 10 times, this is the best advice you can give yourself in a trying situation. Not everything has to be about you. Plus, you will feel much less pressure.
2) At the wedding, I did not have a single bite to eat and only one friend kept asking me if I needed water (thanks, Yaela Shamberg!). But it was just fine. I did not need to be the one being served, anyway.
In life, I have learned that self indulgence of any sort is minuscule in comparison with the joy of elevating the experience of others.
The intention the emerged: Ask what you can do for others FIRST.
Serving and giving with both hands is the answer to your quest for meaning; it is what you’re longing for, and I guarantee your life will be infinitely better if you give that thing that would light YOU up to someone else.
3) If you’ve ever thrown a large event, you may also have felt stress and overwhelm at the sheer amount of messages and calls you will get in the hours and days preceding it: people need directions, for some reason can’t find the invitation and need the dress code, mess up the start time, are wondering where to get their hair done and even ask to add last minute guests.
These would not normally cause me stress, but I felt so much pressure at this particular event that I did feel stressed. I did. Ah, the perils of being human! As I felt more and more tense, I could literally almost feel my fingers sniping back “look up the invitation,” and “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”
Realizing that I was getting aggravated on what was likely nothing, I took a moment for myself, breathed deeply and asked myself to REFRAME.
“Is there any other way to see this?” I asked myself.
An inner voice emerged: “They are just excited about the wedding. Plus, you LOVE these people.”
The new intention that emerged: Whatever happens, don’t stress out to the point where you lash out or block love. It only steals YOUR joy. Instead: love.
Wishing you love and happiness. And THANK YOU all so much for the well-wishes!